1. The "I Love My Body" Group
These ladies capitalizes on the visual sense of men. Their members flaunt their front and back assets opulently. You see more of their pictures. Sometimes, nude. They steal all the attention, likes and comments, leaving whatever you must have posted deprived. When online, you take a breather on their pages. I do.
They occasionally chirp on Twitter and Facebook. And when they do, they ask you to assess their near-nude and much revealing pictures.
In case you have not met any of their kind, this is what happens: something begins to heave in your head, your eyes bulging out of their sockets. Then, if you are not careful, you may fall for their tricks and send that DM or PM that has your naked tool. You will be blackmailed forever. Does the name Carlos Danger sound familiar?
2. The "Christian or SU" Group
They are the early risers on social media. You wake to their ‘Good morning Lord’ and ‘Thank you Jesus’ posts. They feed you with the quotable quotes for the day. Sometimes, short sermons. Preachy thingz, that’s what they are. On account of their reserve, you consider them the best ‘take home to mama’. They can’t cheat, you say in your mind.
Listen! Their type has exhausted their cheating airtime. Don’t be surprised if they confess having had a past before meeting Master Jesus. They comfort you with the scripture: ‘old things have passed away and everything has become new…’
To add to your new problem, you may have to put up with their narrow minds. For instance, you must never demand a blow job from them. If you dare, you may end up being a subject of a deliverance session. In your house.
The "Chop and Go" Group
These women are beautiful. Or, they pull out all the stops to look beautiful. They are crazy about making money. They’re not streetwalkers but high-class ashewos - let's call them aristos. It’s the economy, I don’t blame them. And I hope you won’t blame yourself. On their Facebook and Twitter pages, DANGER is penned in legibly faint letterings. All you need do is open your eyes. Their kind project refined images online. They don’t look starved, but they really are. Their type exerts a pull on you with updates and pictures of lavish meals, designer dresses, shoes, luggage and so on. If you ever manage to land one of them, your offline dates will take you to boutiques and eateries alone. God help you if you are some broke fellow.
When you are trapped in their net, you end up becoming an instant ATM. Milking you dry is not the expression, you won’t remember having anything at all. They are the high maintenance kind of ladies. They live for their appearances. Once you can no longer pay their bills, they leave you.
4. The ‘Feminist’ Group
That is what they call themselves. Feminists. I don’t know what to call them, but I know feminists when I see or read them. Members of this group are not. You find their posts and tweets regularly these days. No thanks to Senator Ahmed Yerima.
They use hashtags the most. According to them, they fight for the rights of women. They are fighters, really. Blood-sucking, phalli-cutting fighters! Here is a sample tweet:
‘Come near my child with your prick, I’ll castrate you! #childnotbride’
You’ll run from them if you really love yourself. You dare not offend them. If you do, they go either for your small head or big head.
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